This is a hard post to write. I AM SCARED! I like to think that I have no problem being open, honest, and vulnerable…until it comes to actually being open, honest, and vulnerable about real things. But I am going to be brave and give some details about the last two years of my life. So grab a cup of tea (it's a long one), pull up a comfy chair and read on as I share about my hopes, dreams and failures. Those of you who have followed our blogs for a while, or know me personally, know that 2 years ago I quit a great job that I loved to pursue a vision of the life and calling that I always believed God had for me. It was a hard and scary decision because I really loved my job. It was challenging, fulfilling and safe! Not to mention it provided a great 2nd income for our family. BUT it seemed like there was something more for me. The work didn't quite match the unique way that God made my heart beat or the life that Colin and I always dreamed we'd have. I was a bit restless - constantly yearning for something different. So, Colin and I decided that if we were ever going to trust God and try something risky, we had to do it before we had more kids, before we got too used to our comfortable two income existence, and before we were too old and scared. So, two years ago we took the plunge and began working on what was then Consumers in Christ (now the Bought Beautifully Market).
Living my dream hasn't really felt like living the dream.
To be completely honest, the last two years have been HARD. REALLY HARD. There have been more late nights and more tears than any other time in my life. I have been humbled. I have FAILED. And you know what? It wasn't that bad! Fear of failing was the thing that always kept me from really doing anything. In the last two years I have failed. I had to build a website, rebuild a website, brand a company concept, re-brand that company concept, admit to not understanding things, ask for and accept help (THANK YOU DEAR FRIENDS who came along side me with so much grace, kindness, and brains!). Out of this difficulty came so much goodness. Just like God said he would, he brought beauty out of ashes (Isaiah 61:3). I learned from my failures, and am much better and wiser because of them.I've learned:
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To trust God with everything; my heart, my job, my identity, my income.
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To lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).
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That I can FAIL, but I am not a failure.
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How to really pray (fervently and sincerely).
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AND that living your dreams looks a lot like hard work. It isn't always fun, BUT it is totally worth it.
We have no idea what will come from the market. It might fail according to the world's definition, and that is ok. I would still count the last two years as a success.
During this time period my relationship with God has gone to new depths and I have achieved beautiful new understandings of Him. I have seen His face, His glory, and His heart, and I would not trade that for all the success in the world.
Do you remember last week's word of the week?